Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize