Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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