On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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