I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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