I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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