I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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