The beer is more important than you right now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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