I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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