I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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