you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
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You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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