Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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