I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize