you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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