it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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