She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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