Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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