I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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