we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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