I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize