I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're a waste of cheezeits
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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