you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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