my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize