on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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