FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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