he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize