There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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