i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
how drunk are you?
Several
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize