i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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