My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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