hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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