when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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