If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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