Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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