Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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