Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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