Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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