apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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