Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize