This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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