i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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