do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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