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Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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