So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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