accomplished twins. life is a go
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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