He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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