Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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