I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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