My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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