3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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