I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize